Hello there my friend. The day before yesterday I wrote about How To Destress, and the number one item was to take responsibility for your life.
When we take responsibility for our life, we are designing our life by desire, and not allowing it by default.
If we do not take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, then things will happen to us by default.
Many years ago, my life was on autopilot because no one really showed me how to set and obtain goals. When I wanted something I went after it but, I did not aggressively set goals. About twenty years ago, I made the decision to take responsibility for my life, and my future, and constantly set goals, which means to always have at least three to six goals for my life.
Somewhere along the line of me setting and obtaining goals aggressively, and teaching stress relief, I discovered that a big part of accomplishing my desires is having control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. This is so very important because, if I did not feel well about myself or life, I did not progress, and I became in the constant state of going nowhere.
How are you feeling about your life? How are you feeling about yourself? If you are addicted, angry, anxious, depressed, or hopeless about your future, your life, and you, I would plead with you to take responsibility for you thoughts, feelings, and actions, and learn how to feel better.
If I am not feeling well about life or myself, I look at the mood of my mind. If I am thinking negatively, I am not going to feel, or do, well, but if I am thinking positively, I feel, and do, better. Therefore, I intentionally create positive thoughts, and then positive feelings follow.
Having a passion, and a purpose really helps for a happier self, and a happier life. When I am living my passion and purpose (helping people with their stress), I feel magnificent, and I feel unstoppable. When I feel magnificent, and unstoppable, life is super duper allie ooper.
In order to take responsibility, one must know what they really want out of life. Do you know what you really want out of life? If you do, then write it down. Write down everything your heart desires, and be very very specific.
If you don't know what you want out of life, then seek out some help to find out. You can do this several ways; first, you can Google it. There is free resources to almost any answer on the internet. Nearly most websites will give free information so, Google, 'how do I find my passion, or purpose?' Keep at it by rephrasing the phrase, and reading all the information on the websites that pop up.
The second thing you can do is make a list of all the things you love to do, and search out that list for a possible way to spend time doing things you love. Maybe you can find your passion, and purpose, in that list.
Another thing you can do is ask for help. If you know someone who helps people find their passion, or purpose, get them to help you discover yours.
When you know what your desires are, you can design your life by constantly thinking about ways to obtain your desires. I would say, everyday make a list of six, which means list six things you can do everyday to move towards your desires, and then prioritize that list. At first, you don't even have to do anything on that list, just get in the habit of making that list. Eventually, you will have to make the decision to pursue the list, but by making the list, you begin the habit of designing your life, versus allowing crudola to happen by default.
Now that you have the skills to design your life by desire may I make a couple suggestions about taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Firstly, if you cannot get yourself to do any of the suggested above, chances are, your self-worth is shot all to heck. What I mean by that is, you do not think that you are even worth doing all this work for, and maybe you think, "Why do any of this, it won't work anyway?"
If you are thinking you are unworthy of a better life, do this...
Get a journal, or a blank notebook, and every night make a list of all the things you did that day. You could write that you got up, took a shower, brushed your teeth, went to work, helped this person or that person, and worked hard all day, etc. What this will do is retrain your brain to see that you do a lot, you accomplish many things, you are important, and you are worthy.
Another thing you can do is breath the mantra, "I am worthy." Breath it everyday, all day long. Inhale, "I am," and exhale, "worthy." And contemplate that mantra through out the day. This will help you think thoughts of your worthiness. This my friend, is taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions, which will destress your life.
Secondly, if you cannot get yourself to do any of the suggested above, it may be possible that you believe it will not work, or that you cannot do it. What this means is you may lack faith in yourself. By creating faith in yourself, you can accomplish a whole lotta lotta.
You, my friend, are the only one who can change your life for the better. You, my friend, are the only one who can make or break your life. There is an older person waiting for you, and that person is you. Will you be fifty and dissatisfied, or fifty and satisfied? Will you be sixty and self loathing, or will you be sixty and healthy? Will you be seventy and in crisis, or will you be seventy and accomplished? What you will do, is up to you!
Believe that you can be, do, or have anything you set your mind to. Breath the mantra, "I can do anything." Everyday, all day long, breath in, "I can," and breath out, "do anything." Take the time to make it a habit to contemplate that mantra, and how you can do anything. This will help you think thoughts of faith in yourself. This, my friend, is taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Thirdly, if you cannot get yourself to do any of the suggested above because you do not feel good due to anger, anxiety, drama, or depression, then seek help. The first, and foremost help one must seek due to emotional disruption is assistance from a Medical Doctor, or Mental Health Professional. Medication is a helper, not a solution, and maybe you need help with medication. In combination with the help of your doctor, if needed, you can create better habitual thoughts, feelings, and actions.
If you have anger, create thoughts of love for yourself, and others. Anger is like hate, and if you have a lot of it, you may hate yourself. When anger is a habit, it is like looking for things that you hate, or things that make you mad. Choose to look for things you love, and if you hate something, say you love it, and it will make you laugh. When we laugh, we can become more playful, and that will easily replace anger.
If you have anxiety, create thoughts of faith, in life, others, and yourself. Anxiety is created by fear and worry. The other day, this lady told me that she was diagnosed with nonspecific anxiety. Seriously!?! If you have any kind of anxiety, it is coming from a habitual way of thinking worry about the future, and you not being okay. Trust me, I have talked thousands of people out of anxiety, and it all boils down to worry, and a deep habit of it. If you learn to meditate, you can discover knowing that you are always safe, right here, and right now.
If you have drama, get help. Some people are addicted to drama, and it takes help to get out of that mess. What I mean my drama is serious disagreements in your relationships, whether at work or at home, and fighting with anyone, often.
Finally, if you have depression, the most powerful thing you can do, in conjunction with seeing a Medical Doctor or Mental Health Professional, is get a journal, and every morning write all of the things you are grateful for. Make this list as long as you can everyday, and try to write at least fifty items. This is amazing. Many of my clients do this, and they are usually cured of depression in a day or week, but if they stop, the depression often returns. If you have severe depression, do this list for a whole year, everyday, because it helps retrain focus towards what is good in life, rather than towards despair.
The last items I would like to discuss in order to take responsibility for you life, so you can destress your life are compliment, encourage, and motivate yourself.
It is very human nature to criticize, discourage, and dissuade. So when we live our lives on autopilot, we tend to hold these negative thoughts by default. Please take the time to intentionally compliment, encourage, and motivate yourself.
There is a voice in my head that always tells me things like, "Way to go Elizabeth!" "You got this!" "This is easy!" "I can do this!" "I want this!" This voice has been developed by me intentionally because I became aware of my own criticism, discouragement, and what I call laziness. I taught myself to be strong mentally, which makes me strong emotionally, and that provides a focused, organized, and productive me.
This voice of complimenting, encouraging, and motivating, is a voice I teach everyone I have the opportunity to, and sometimes they don't even know I am teaching them it.
Just to recap, here is a list for you to do, in order to take responsibility for your life so you can destress your life.
1) Write down what you want out of life, and be very specific.
2) If you don't know what you want, Google it, search it out in your mind, and/or get help finding out what you want.
3) Everyday, make the list of six, and prioritize it.
4) Everyday, do at least on thing on the list of six, and eventually progress to do as many things as possible.
5) Work on what ails you.
6) Think better thoughts by creating, and using a mantra
7) Feel better (because you are thinking better)
8) Act better (because you are thinking better, and feeling better)
9) Create an inner voice that compliments, encourages, and motivates
These items, my friend, are the keys to living life with design, and desire, rather than by default. These are the keys to begin to destress yourself.
Start small by choosing one thing on this list to work on, or start big and do them all. But whatever you do, take responsibility for your life, and just start something, now!
Have a wonderful week Sugah!
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