Monday, April 18, 2011
HOW TO DESTRESS YOUR KID :)
Any who, as I spend time with them my mind goes back to growing up and of course, I think about all the stress that was there, only because I am lil Miss Destress Yourself. Their behavior is still the same but I receive it differently now, and so, NO STRESS.
When I initially went to college, my goal was to be a child Psychologist but that dream was killed by my crazy idea that when a kid is messed up, it's ALWAYS the parent's fault. I still kind of believe it.
Why do I believe that if the kid is messed up, it's the parent's fault? Well, as parents, we are suppose to be smarter than our kids but we do this stupid thing that is totally insane. We try to change unwanted behavior with the same method when it doesn't work. Please allow me to esplain... When a kid is getting bad grades, we punish by grounding him or her, and then the grounding doesn't work, the child still get's bad grades over and over again. And then we use the same method, grounding, over and over again. Don't you think that is insane?
"Hey you are not doing what I think you should so I will take privileges from you." What is wrong with this? The result is that the child thinks, "I am not good enough, so I get things taken away." And every time we do this, the child increases their belief that they are not good enough, hence the low self-confidence in our society.
Disagree? Good, comment below ;)
For some crazy reason, parent's tend to focus on what kids don't do right, all the time. "Hey, don't do that." "Hey, you should do it this way."
I know a man who loves, loves, loves my son as his own (not my significant other, just a friend of my son) and he wishes that my son were his son and/or that his son was like my son. The only thing I see here is that this man looks at all the things his son does wrong and what he doesn't do right. That is what he is focusing on.
Does he have some deep seeded belief that he ought to focus on what's wrong with his son or what his son is not doing right (right, meaning what's right according to him)? YES! It is pretty common in our society.
If, this man, were to focus only on the things his son does right, and love him, the way he loves my son, he would have the son that he thinks he should have, like my son.
I know, I know, I am rambling. But the point is, your son, or daughter, does not have to be like someone else, WE, as parents need to just love them, no matter what, and focus on all the things they do right, all the time, everyday.
ALL DAY LONG FOCUS ON WHAT YOUR KID DOES RIGHT!!!
Try this, for one day, and do not see anything they do wrong. Matter of fact, just ignore, and giggle inside over, all the things YOU THINK, they do wrong. And then just see all the things they do right. See everything they do as right. Can you do it? For just one day?
If you can do it, everyday, you will destress your kid, and yourself. Trust me, I know!!! Better yet! Don't trust me, and try it for yourself.
If we do this as parents, everyday, our kids would be perfect! The only imperfection they have is in our mind anyway.
NEWS FLASH!!! EVERYONE IS IMPERFECT! Enjoy that imperfection and just know that it is all a part of life. Life is imperfect until you see it as perfect.
That's all I got ;)
Have a magnificent week!
And don't forget to have fun!!!