Monday, April 20, 2020


Well hello...

How are you doing during all of this stuff? 

I'm praying you are doing better than expected.

I'd like to explain a little more about basic stress management to help those who want to understand.

Generally, we think that stress is a situation. We fight in a relationship, our car breaks down, or we get laid off from work. To believe the situation is the stress is a common myth. 

Although this is not to reduce the actual situation to nothing because we know it can trigger stress, it is not our circumstances that stress us.

So, if stress is not our circumstances, what is stress?

A standard equation that is used to describe stress is A+B=C. 

A is the activating event (situation), 

B is our belief, 

and C is our consequences (signs and symptoms). 

For example, if we are laid off from our job (Activating Event), and we believe that this is the worst thing that could ever happen to us (Belief), then our Consequences will be doubt, fear, and worry. Or, if we are laid off from our job (Activating Event), and we believe this is the best thing that could ever happen to us (Belief), then our Consequences will be certainty, confidence, and hope.

It might sound crazy to some that a person could be elated to be laid off, but it happens. Sometimes we need a push to get out of a career or industry we don't want to be in.

Therefore, stress is caused by our reactions or belief, creating consequences. Our consequences are our signs and symptoms mentally that are manifested physically. Some signs and symptoms of stress are difficulties concentrating, a racing mind, disorganization, sadness, irritability, anger, moodiness, headaches, neck aches, backaches, gastrointestinal problems, over or under-eating, over or under sleeping, or increase in the addiction to alcohol, smoking, or drugs.

Basic stress is in our everyday life because it begins with our thoughts. Stressful people get up in the morning worrying about everything they have to do and everything that bothered them from yesterday. They go to work, to class, to being a parent, to be the provider, and to do their life. Their day is filled with stress because it is filled with habitual beliefs of doubt, fear, and worry.

Insecurity, i.e., stress versus confidence.

When a person destresses at the foundation of habitual thoughts, destressed feelings and actions will follow.

How does one destress, beginning with thoughts? He or she can recognize the fear of the future in the mind and change it into certainty, confidence, and hope. Changing thoughts into certainty, faith, and hope is not necessarily easy. 

Everyone has a choice. Sounds simple, but it may not be easy.

Thinking the worst thing could happen is just a habit that we develop, but if we start practicing the thought that everything will be okay because it always is, we begin to create a pattern of faith.

Skip the panic, I always say. We do not have to panic, and many people don't. If I could get people with anxiety to practice calmness and meditation as often as they practice fearing the future, they would discover anxiety can be skipped. I truly believe that!

When we recognize our stressful habits and change them into faithful and fearless habits, we can watch ourselves become experts at stress management. In other words, permanent stress relief.

It's all about our focus. If you've been worrying for a while, it will take a bit of practice to replace that stressful habit with faith.

The crux of human conditioning is that some people have been taught to not believe in themselves and beat themselves up. These ways of being keep a person in the state of giving up on themselves. 

Some of us are infants in our spiritual development, and so we must learn to crawl, walk, run, ride the bike, and then drive the car of our spiritual life, so to speak. 

Could you imagine belittling and criticizing a child for learning to crawl, walk, run, ride, or drive? Maybe that was your experience, and perhaps that's why you are a beater upper of the self.

When I was young and learning things, my brothers always encouraged me, and then I had friends who encouraged me. Ultimately, I am the one who encourages myself now, and I refuse to beat myself up or criticize myself, ever! It's a practice I am incredibly proud of.

This ramble is about changing stressful habits of fear into happy, healthy patterns of faith by encouraging yourself. That truly is basic stress management. Managing your habitual reactions manages your stress.


I just wanted to give a little pointing to healing if you need it, and I pray it helps your way.

Speak soon, my friend...

Elizabeth Stanfill

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